1) Outnumbering firearm fatalities in the US the 2nd leading cause of death now is poisoning. The narcotic most blamed is Methadone. Available for years in both liquid & pill form users easily overdose because the effects fade in a few hours while the drug stays in the bloodstream for days. Do a dance of death with the devil it may be the last dance you'll do!

2) Get this monkey off my back! Again a gene link's been made to nicotine addiction & lung cancer. The genetic variations not only make you more likely to get hooked on tobacco but also harder to quit. People inheriting these from both parents are 80% more likely to develop cancer. No one says Satan loves a smoker but I image it's not hard to find a light for your smoke in Hell!

3) The naked truth is 81% of Americans now believe we're heading in the wrong direction. 78% responded that the country's worse off now than 5 years ago. I've been telling you this for a long time so those numbers don't surprise me. What surprises me is the 4% who say the country is doing better. What's wrong with these people, what drugs are they on & can I get me some?

4) Remember I told you not to drink the water nor breathe the air? Well now I'm saying don't eat the drugged up dirt. Antibiotics were supposed to kill bacteria but it turns out garden germs gobble up the pharmaceuticals like pigs at a pancake breakfast. More disturbing is the developing threat of drug-resistant super-bugs as a result of these chemical cocktails. What have we done to the Earth?

5) Maybe this bird just got confused when someone yelled, "Duck"! Setting a legal precedent a NY court issued an order of protection for a fowl after a 21 year old felon fired upon the frightened family pet: a yellow-billed Peking Duck. The bullet pierced the Peking's throat but Circles the duck is slated for recovery after being rushed to a licensed vet. Hey, no quack medicine for this crazy quacker!

6) This is not just another man bites dog story. A MN woman took matters into her own mouth when a pit bull entered her yard & attacked her dog. Fearing for her pooch's life she sunk her teeth into the attacking canine's nose until the devilish dog bled & fled. Maybe you knew we women will do anything to protect our pussies but punish our puppies & we'll bite the thing right off your head!

7) Let's take our clothes off & dance the hot, hot horizontal boogie, but before we do let's talk contraception. For women over 40 the obvious options usually were condoms or surgery & for this reason the group had one of the highest rates of abortion. But now with new drugs & non-surgical procedures our senior sisters can get their groove on with fewer freaking fears of a pregnancy!

8) Sometimes the only gift I can give is brutal honesty, caring courage & tough love. It often makes me a pretty unpopular person. But if you don't know by now how I'd bare my soul, give my life & even dance with the devil for you – then guess you never will. I'm frequently flawed but you're more than a minion to me & when all's said and done you need to know how much I really love you, K? I'm ER & this was the lovely M3 Radio Independent News where we dedicate the next dance to you. Sayonara bitches!